Trailblaze the New Era

  The past week has been pretty hectic.  Usually busy at work this week settling different issues, and there were also moments where I was questioning what exactly was the purpose of my job and what kind of value am I creating.  Definitely, I am looking for a progression. However this is not something within my control. I can only make sure that I do my work well and do my best. However, this week was a lil stressful for me due to the different issues happening. Is it normal? Hopefully.  I always thought my workplace is a comfortable ground, with helpful system, supervisors and colleagues, however past 2 years, many things have changed the flavour changed abit. It is still a nice place, but plagued with pretty more uncertainties. Nevertheless, I appreciated and cherished my work very much. I always believe that my efforts will eventually come to fruition soon. Met Faith, Lorraine and Belvy for dinner on Wednesday to catch up and review about Friday with You this year...

 It has been a hectic week for me. Still abit scared about life everyday, for I do not know if anything is progressing at all.  Many issues and difficult tasks happening at work last week and I am glad to have co-pilot and very helpful colleagues. Many times I questioned if I am even doing the correct things or if there is anything else I can still do.  Must always keep check on myself and keep faith, reminding myself to continue trusting my path and do my best. Sometimes, just by thinking how I am not breaking through yet tears me up, but there is nothing else I can do other than chanting lots of daimoku and continually believing.  Will next round of IUI be a success? Must keep setting the correct causes.

  It has been a hectic week for me.  KM went for follow up scans again for IUI and we were told that her eggs were not responding well to the inducer and did not grow more than 10mm. Doctor suggested that we cancel this cycle and try again in the next cycle.  I did not feel very much upset or anything, just feel abit helpless that we can't seem to get anything to progress.  Each IUI cycle costs about $3.5k and I am left with about $2.1k left in my company's wallet left to claim, this also meant that any extra amount will have to be topped up. I cant count the number of times i teared up thinking about the setbacks and failures of us trying to conceive. But this time, my thought was that if the eggs were not of good quality, even if we proceed with the procedure, we are still bound to fail. Hence, after discussions with KM, we decided to heed the doctor's advice and wait for her period to come and restart on a new IUI cycle again. The wait continues.... Of course, I m...

  Making a fresh start today, again.  My life have been on a stagnancy for more than a year now. There are many times that I have doubts, I beat myself up, I feel uncertain and I am curious what's next to come.  Time and again, I reminded myself to stay grounded, go back to faith and continue to strive.  The journey gets tiring, gets discouraging, and each time I will need to pick myself up, assuring myself and the people around me.  My life has been relatively comfortable and smooth and never did I think trying to conceive has turned out to be the most difficult problem to solve. It has been a draining journey mentally and financially.  As of today, we have already spent close to $10k without any progress. That aside, we had to manage immense pressure coming from the expectations from ourselves, our family and friends.  I chanted as much daimoku as I can, and did all the kofu things that I could, but I feel inadequate as I have nothing to offer as a l...