18 Sep 2025

 It has been a hectic week for me. 

KM went for follow up scans again for IUI and we were told that her eggs were not responding well to the inducer and did not grow more than 10mm. Doctor suggested that we cancel this cycle and try again in the next cycle. 

I did not feel very much upset or anything, just feel abit helpless that we can't seem to get anything to progress. 

Each IUI cycle costs about $3.5k and I am left with about $2.1k left in my company's wallet left to claim, this also meant that any extra amount will have to be topped up.

I cant count the number of times i teared up thinking about the setbacks and failures of us trying to conceive. But this time, my thought was that if the eggs were not of good quality, even if we proceed with the procedure, we are still bound to fail. Hence, after discussions with KM, we decided to heed the doctor's advice and wait for her period to come and restart on a new IUI cycle again. The wait continues....

Of course, I made it a point to also update my parents on each visit and hoping to seek some understanding and support on this tough journey of us. Mum constantly assures me that continue to keep faith and have faith, my child will come if his time is due, hence have to continue to be patient. 

What pains me is seeing what KM has to go through, yet there is nothing much I can do about it other than providing her the spiritual support and assurance, while feeling miserable inside. The number of medicines she has to consume, needles she has to inject... I honestly cannot fathom how tough things are for her, I can only say I truly admire her for her courage and bravery walking each and every step. Naturally, this journey has brought us alot closer, and I think our love for each other just gets deeper time and again. Must really keep faith and work towards a victory the next time. 

Aside to work, it has been a super crazy week. Coping with many complex projects, one of my projects hit a production issue, impacting a good amount of customers using Samsung/Google Pay. There were alot of analysis, investigations and discussions and also rectifications to be done, and it was observed that it was more of a process plus miscommunication issue, which we have to establish to improve for future works. For a large part of yesterday, I had alot of moments where I was feeling super annoyed, and worried if anything I am doing now would cost me my job, or rather job prospects. I am just super grateful to have my manager who constanty supports and understand the work we have done, and backing me up all the time. There are alot to learn from this, and I am sure I have grown alot and will take things more merticulously moving forward. On top of that, there were many other issues to sort out, I was so drained at the end of the day, left work at 7.30pm and reaching home and not wanting to share much. 

On the personal note, I am watching even more closely on my diet, making sure I hit below 1600 kcal and also consuming enough protein ( > 100g daily). The challenging thing is about having the consciousness of my food choices, and how to bravely say no when the time demands for it. I decided to restart my daily runs, and increase my frequency of gymming moving forward to increase my activity rate. Focus on physique, focus on lifestyle, focus on doing something i feel proud of myself.

Watch me, to declare victory in time to come. Let's go.