14 Sep 2025

 Making a fresh start today, again. 

My life have been on a stagnancy for more than a year now.

There are many times that I have doubts, I beat myself up, I feel uncertain and I am curious what's next to come. 

Time and again, I reminded myself to stay grounded, go back to faith and continue to strive. 

The journey gets tiring, gets discouraging, and each time I will need to pick myself up, assuring myself and the people around me. 

My life has been relatively comfortable and smooth and never did I think trying to conceive has turned out to be the most difficult problem to solve. It has been a draining journey mentally and financially. 

As of today, we have already spent close to $10k without any progress. That aside, we had to manage immense pressure coming from the expectations from ourselves, our family and friends. 

I chanted as much daimoku as I can, and did all the kofu things that I could, but I feel inadequate as I have nothing to offer as a leader. I am struggling so hard, I have no victories nor breakthroughs, I am not enough. 

Many times I am reminded not to think this way, and encouraged by my leaders to set the right causes, and continue to do so. It is a karmic thing, so I have to remain hopeful. 

I have to constantly ask myself "am I doing enough HR?" "Am I doing my best?"

I can and I must only work hard, no doubts, and continue to strive. 

Let's do this.